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To learn more about how diabetes affects love, we asked people with diabetes about their successes and heartbreaks. Comments poured in from people wanting to share their experiences.
Diabetes diagnosis definitely affects the person diagnosed, but it also affects the person's loved ones and romantic relationships. Many of us may have forgotten or are completely unaware of how those around us are supporting us, or not supporting us, in our fight against this disease.
Curious about how diabetes affects a person's love life, I reached out to a variety of people with diabetes, looking for success stories as well as heartbreaks. I was flooded with comments from people who wanted to share their experiences.
Questions about how living with diabetes affects romantic relationships
We asked a few questions to the willing participants.
- Has diabetes affected your romantic relationships and how has it made you feel?
- How did you and your partner deal with this challenge?
- What strategies have you developed to deal with these situations?
- What advice would you give to others struggling with similar challenges?
I've never been married, so I've often wondered if type 1 diabetes is the reason I remain single. I've spent many hours in therapy talking about how diabetes has affected me, but until recently I've spent a lot of time thinking about how it's affecting my relationships. I couldn't come.
Living with diabetes can create additional hurdles in relationships
Kathryn Gordon of Virginia Beach, Virginia, said: “Diabetes is not only a burden on me, but also on my partner. They are forced into that role, so they are forever in the position of safety net and caretaker. This unfortunate stress is never easy on relationships. It's an added hurdle: If you're spending your energy hating someone with type 1 diabetes, it's hard to put your energy into loving someone else.”
Carrying the burden of diabetes together, rather than alone, can make a big difference.
Gordon's statement breaks my heart in part because I know she's not alone in thinking this way. Then there are people like Craig LeFevre from Boise, Idaho. He experienced two very different love scenarios. Mr. LeFevre told me how his now ex-wife coped with her newly diagnosed diabetes at the time of his marriage.
“My ex-wife didn't spend much time or make any effort to learn about diabetes or what it was like for me,” he said. “About a year later, I explained that I had been watching her look at the children's health and other situations to see what would happen to them. It never happened, so it didn't matter to her and I felt like I was the only one carrying the burden. It became a bit of a recurring issue, not that it was the cause of our divorce. But it was a contributing factor and a consistent feeling of not being valued.”
Compassion is the key to a healthy relationship, but Lefebvre said she felt like she was carrying that burden alone. He hasn't given up yet.
When is the right time to talk about living with diabetes in a new relationship?
Recently, Lefebvre has returned to the dating market.
“When meeting new people, just deciding when to disclose your diabetes can be stressful,” he says. “If you're wearing pumps, you'll probably get caught on the first date. As the relationship progresses, you'll have to think twice to decide what role that person will have in my management.” .”
Find a partner to help you manage your diabetes
Lefebvre, who has been dating him for more than a year, said they are still working through his condition together.
“The fact that she took an interest in my diabetes from the beginning was a big deal,” Lefebvre said. “When I'm feeling down late at night, she wakes up without asking anything, even if it's just to sit there so I'm not alone. This kind gesture makes me feel good.” But it's not without stressors because it causes her sleep deprivation, and she's worried about what level of intervention to take.”
Lefebvre said it was difficult for the couple to find a balance between letting their son take care of himself and not making him feel alone.
“It's like a dance that we do all the time,” he said. “So that's always a special thing to navigate within our relationship. And understanding how high blood sugar levels and lack of sleep affect my mood later on. I was able to.”
Increased interpersonal stress due to diabetes
Lefebvre said she wants to be careful not to let diabetes put too much stress on a relationship. “Diabetes has taken a huge emotional toll on me and permeates every aspect of my life,” he explains. “I'm worried that it's going to have a negative impact on my relationships and be a burden to the people who care about me. So I think about it so much that I sometimes feel guilty.” ”
Mr. Lefebvre's story reminds us that loved ones walk a fine line in our diabetes management, and that we sometimes strive to care for them again. .
Karen Weinstock of Westfield, New Jersey said: [for hypoglycemia] Married for over 30 years. It was a long journey learning how to be a loving partner in the diabetes dance, but her husband was happy to join me as a partner. Together, we have shared many challenges in the lives of people with type 1 diabetes. My goal is to be less judgmental and more motivated. Our only goal is to be open-minded people. ”
The trauma of living with diabetes: The elephant in the room
as nurse Patricia Duiker of Dallas, Texas, who specializes in diabetes and lives with type 1 diabetes, shared enlightening insights about diabetes and relationships.
“Living with diabetes creates unique emotions and beliefs that color intimate relationships,” she says. “This is not part of a standard diabetes education plan. It happens to each of us on some level, but it happens all the time. I'm talking about grief and trauma.”
Duiker said being “diagnosed” with diabetes means losing the life you “thought” you could live. The “ideal” life was supposed to be one without insulin or high-tech gadgets, with constant vigilance, and the freedom to just keep working without feeling like it might cause problems down the road. And with her sadness comes “anger, frustration, remorse, depression, and a range of other emotions,” she said.
“I think trauma is the elephant in the room when it comes to relationships,” Duiker continued. “For nurses, trauma means car accidents, stab wounds, and other life-threatening injuries. Well, diabetes is a life-threatening injury that we face every day.”
This, and the sense of shame that comes with it, can't help but have a strong impact on our relationships, she says.
Duiker offered some suggestions on how to deal with these feelings when building strong relationships with long-term partners or those just starting out.
- Recognize that you have experienced trauma and probably have embarrassing thoughts swirling around there. It's not your fault and it's normal.
- Challenge those embarrassing thoughts. Look at the situation as if it were a stranger. By keeping your distance, you can feel safe and put things in perspective.
- Accept and welcome the parts of you that are so afraid. Self-compassion is the key to healing trauma and building positive relationships. Diabetes included, we must first learn to love ourselves.
- Have the courage to speak the truth. You'll quickly find out if that person is someone you can trust and value.
- Remember that “you” is the only “you” on the planet. you are important you have value. you are a lovely person period. Diabetes is not involved.
How Diabetes Affects Love, Dating, and Romantic Relationships: Key Points
These testimonies of people willing to share their love stories remind us that diabetes isn't going anywhere. This is a disease that affects every aspect of our lives, including relationships. We need to love ourselves, face trauma, shame, and guilt, and build soulful, loving relationships.
