You may have noticed that I’ve been very quiet on this blog over the last year. I sometimes write a blog, sometimes post on Instagram, and participate in a meditation group once a month. diabetes sangha. In general, though, I’m on a “break” from the advocacy side of living with diabetes. This past year was a year of major physical changes for him. We moved countries and I came out of my reclusive phase and started teaching private groups, workshops, and retreats, as well as working in detox spaces and respite care. Being able to interact closely with humans again was more than rewarding. I am even more convinced of the life-changing power of yoga, breathing techniques, and meditation.
Taking my own diabetes management up close and personal amid all this movement and change has been a huge challenge. I’ve had some highs in the months since I contracted Covid, but I’ve also experienced some pretty hairy lows that are completely out of left field. Living in the outside world and managing my diabetes was serious. I didn’t feel like talking about it.
What I have received is great support from the team. I work with diabetes educators, diabetes nutritionists, and diabetes psychologists. These three supports helped me gain perspective. The solid tools I’ve received over the past few years have served me well, even if everything feels out of my control. Overall, I feel less anxious, more willing to dose, and more accepting of numbers that are out of range.
I have officially been living with diabetes for 15 years. I have been on full basal/bolus therapy for the past 5 years. No one is prepared for the challenges of this condition. Beyond the mundane things of taking insulin and counting carbs, our bodies are constantly in flux and have their own rhythms that ultimately we don’t even understand.
Everything science does in relation to the body is to try to explain what it does. But what I realized by studying the deeper aspects of yoga is that no one really knows what the body does or is capable of. We are born with a body, but we don’t know how it works or what keeps us alive. Yes, the heart pumps and the lungs breathe, but what makes the heart pump and the lungs breathe? What makes us conscious and conscious of being conscious? The big question is…what is consciousness?
Caught up in the frustration of eating 3.5 units for 72 carbs, when everything goes wrong, I find myself wondering, “Why?” I feel better prepared knowing that even the biggest questions we have as humans are unanswerable.
So, my daily habit is to live in a space of “I don’t know” when it comes to diabetes management, while at the same time doing my best to manage it.
As I mark my 15th Diaversary and World Diabetes Day, I am grateful to be alive, to be able to continue to learn and grow, and to be able to share the beauty and power of yoga with others.
With respect…
rachel
